Perspectives

She’s a young girl. She looks to be about 19 years old, although she’s now 23. Her dark hair is pulled tightly back into a low pony-tail, her chewed fingers nails pick nervously at a nonexistent piece of fluff on her worn out jacket. She clings to her half empty cup of coffee purchased from the corner store down the street. She wears no make-up, her cloths are clean but stained, and her smile reveals two graying front teeth. As I speak to her she laughs nervously and signs her papers, never making eye contact. She admits with slight reluctance that she’s being supported by welfare and has been for three years. Her resume is limited and does little to help her find a job in this employers market.

Daily this girl is judged by society. It is human nature to create opinion and come to a limited conclusion based upon what little evidence we have. Although we live in a country that promotes “Innocent until proven guilty”, we push our judgments onto other people as though it’s a right we have. A few years ago I would have seen her as a lazy youth, who didn’t want to work, living off the system and attending her job finding sessions in order to fill an obligation to her financial supporters. However I have learned that by limiting judgments, we are given information that drastically changes our perspectives of situations and people…

When she finally looks at me, her eyes reveal a life of pain and sorrow. My heart beats a little faster, my senses heighten and I am instantly aware that this is no ordinary girl. It is a deep knowing I have in my gut. I don’t know much about her, only what a few scattered pieces of paper say, but I believe that she has been sent to me for a reason and I am all ears.

We begin to discuss her employment history. Grace (as I call her) has limited experience; she was a cook in a fast food restaurant for three years but quit, before that she babysat for some neighbours. She has never had an interview. She is living with a friend until she can afford her own apartment.

As I get to know Grace a little better, she begins to open up. She has no Father or family. I discover that her mother became too sick to care for herself three years ago. It was at this time that Grace quit her job in order to care for her mother on a full-time basis. She cooked, cleaned, bathed, changed, and monitored her mother. There were times when she changed diapers, cleaned wounds and treated bed sores. Grace was required to track doctor’s appointments, update friends, and ensure that her mother’s symptoms did not get worse. For Grace, her life revolved around helping her mother live. What little time she had for herself was spent studying in order to get her high school equivalency. Then one night, three years into her mother’s battle, she passed away.

I could tell that sympathy would do no good. She had accepted what had happened and moved on. I offered what little I could; a bus pass to assist her with her job search (which she refused), a contact to help her find stable housing, and an open ear. We met several more times over the next few weeks. Grace came early to every appointment, delivered resumes to every place we discussed, and attended every workshop I suggested. However, her employment struggles still remained. She was not seen as the hard-working, loving, reliable, dependable and trustworthy person that she was. Instead, Grace was judged based upon a light handshake, eyes that did not make contact, clothing that was worn, and two graying front teeth (caused by what I’m sure was an unnatural and painful memory in itself).

There are people who come into our lives for a reason. Grace unexpectedly reminded me that despite my unpaid bills, a house that never seems to stay clean, and a few drafty windows, my problems aren’t really problems at all. When we begin to forget the beauty we and blessings we are given, life is always there to remind us to show compassion, love, and empathy. We are required to continually challenge ourselves to make a difference, be kind, and nonjudgmental. You must remember that although it may sometimes feel as though you’re living through your darkest night, love still exists, the sun will rise, and life is full of unexpected gifts if you open your mind and heart to them.

I am not going to tell you what happened to my young friend. What I will tell you is that I received a card from her congratulating me on my new job and stating that “I’ll never forget you”. I’m not sure what I did to help her. I like to think it was the fact that I saw who she really was, encouraged her where I could, and always had a smile for her.

Imagine what changes and what you can change when you gain a little perspective.